Cancelled!

Yeah, so... that happened! (as well as an election and a nor-easter, y'know...)

Chris and I felt relieved when they made the call. 

I had already decided to run it if it were still on (as I wrote in my last post), and Chris was leaning towards running it, but we were both having a hard time living with our decision. 

I am grateful for the intervention from so many level-headed people for whom it was easier to disregard to marathon, as well as for the final call from the Mayor's office. 

Here is my "statement" on Facebook.

That was five days ago. My thoughts have not changed. 

Anyway, I'll keep writing so that means more musings to come, including:

• thoughts on getting another year to train
• volunteering post-Sandy
• thoughts on transitioning from a casual Facebook post to a more structured blog post
• new running shoes purchase - spoiler alert: owie!
• my trip to the Marathon expo plus a look inside the marathon goody bag passed out to the runners

It's Still On - Thoughts About Running in the Marathon Post-Sandy

What a week it's been. The damage of this hurricane really took everyone by surprise. Were we all really that comfortable from the non-hurricane (at least for New Yorkers) that was Irene that we really didn't take Sandy seriously?

I've lived in NYC now for eight years. That's sort of a long time as a young adult, but I did not grow up here. I do not have roots here - I am only beginning to really create some solid roots, truly. I was three years too late for 9/11. It is possible that I have a terrible memory and am forgetting some event so great that my amnesia offends. But I don't think I've ever been in the midst of New Yorkers in grief.

And still, even post-Sandy, I am not really in the midst of grief. My small community is all accounted for - no losses. My apartment was able to retain power and no damage - though the winds Monday night were so loud that I moved all my furniture away from the window and tried to barricade it (I really thought car parts or tree branches were going to fly through my wall).

But when I look at pictures of the areas that did get heavily hit, it is sobering. Where there once was the Jersey shore, there now sits a roller coaster in the ocean. Below 40th street, people are looking for phone chargers or batteries. Hospitals are getting evacuated, bringing anxiety to the patients and their families. People wait in long lines to fill up their gas. The power outages - in a city that never sleeps, the darkness (and probably silence) is unfamiliar territory. And then, there are the bodies that are being discovered - many of them on Staten Island. 

There are two different cities happening right now. Media like the NYTimes and The Daily Show has pointed this out - one city is in darkness and need of reconstruction - the other is wondering what to get for brunch. I see posts on my Facebook newsfeed from various fellow New Yorkers - some posts are frivolous banter while others pine for a shower. I actually got to see a taping of the Colbert Report this week. I posted a photo to my Instagram account, but deleted it seconds after it had been published. I felt torn about being able to enjoy something that others could not afford to even care about. 

There is another polarity rising this week, after Mayor Bloomberg's announcement that the ING NYC Marathon is still on. My initial reaction frankly was not frustration but as I read others' opinions about the decision, I became more torn about my decision to still run. I thought the marathon would be a bright spot in the midst of devastation, but it is true that this sort of event is really is too soon. At the same time, our city has taken a big hit - and we could use a reason to cheer. I do think there is no good or right decision here. 

For New Yorkers, Sandy really has ushered in conversation topics that allow for little middle ground. The hurricane either inconvenienced you - or it didn't. The marathon call is either something to go along with - or protest, especially as a participant. 

I'm still going to run in the marathon. I actually would have been ok with it being cancelled (I actually think I could get injured on Sunday) - but it's still on and I am not going to protest this by not running. And my thoughts end there. I'm keeping them personal to me and will refrain from speaking for what I think is right for the other 45,000 people running in this race as well as the rest of the city as potential spectators. I've read some opinions that the NY Daily News obtained from random people (link). There are people for this marathon and there are people against it. 

If my week had been any other way, I would defer and not run the race. But it's simple as this: the marathon is on, I've been given a week to rest at home (from the hurricane aftermath of all things), I've been training for a year, I have the opportunity - I'm doing it. 

Finding the discipline

My first race was the Allstate 13.1 Half-marathon in New York about a month ago on the last weekend of March. I signed up for this race in early November. The registration took place a few days after a group of us traveled around Brooklyn and Manhattan, trying to catch multiple sightings of our loved ones on the streets, running the ING NYC Marathon. The energy of the crowds that day, even at the more humble spots like mile 19 in east Harlem, was enough of a push for me to register.

I made simple monthly goals. I needed to get used to running five miles by the end of November. December would be my month to hit seven. January, nine. February, eleven. And I would run the thirteen at the end of March.

My focus was on avoiding injuries and finishing the long course. A fast pace was out of the picture. So was strength-training. I didn't want to strain myself. I thought I was fine, and in the end, I was fine.

This full marathon seems a bit different. I'm slowly coming to grips with the fact that I have to find some form of cross-training or strength-training - and actually do it for as long of a stretch prior to the marathon.
I think I've found something - ballet cardio - and I suppose a good practice is to do little work outs on the days I don't run. Like today.

I came home, dinner plans cancelled and an evening freed up to go on my second run since the half (needless to say, I haven't started training). I got into full running gear only to find that my shoes weren't in my apartment - or maybe they are, and they're hiding really well. Of course, an inner glee rose. "I don't have to run today!" That glee quickly went away as what followed was an excruciating 15 minutes of back-and-forth: "I should run today..." - "I don't have to run today..." - "But I should run today - mrrm..." - "There's always tomorrow..."

Eventually, I made the decision to do the cardio.

Afterward, I ordered a somewhat healthy dinner from a Malaysian restaurant.

It's a nice thought to imagine myself becoming more disciplined, but I realize much of this discipline will be found in the smallest and most boring decisions I make on a daily basis.